My husband has very few habits that I find annoying. The most peculiar one I have dubbed the “Audible/Visible Sniff”. Here’s a story about it.
One very pregnant evening, I was lying around, very pregnant, on our bed pregnantly reading a book while the two kids were taking their bath. In walked my husband, sniffing audibly. Now, most people smell something odoriferous and either grimace or try not to breath in the offending odor. Not this guy. No, he walks toward the malodor, sniffing loudly and flaring his nostrils in an attempt to smell out the source of the stench in a smelly version of “Hot and Cold”. He doesn’t say anything, he just walks around sniffing.
I lay there (did I mention I was pregnant?) in horror as he came sniffing closer and closer to me. I was not merely pregnant, I was eight months along with our third child, looking and feeling like a beached whale in my most uncomfortable pregnancy ever. I was not happy. I was definitely not happy to have my husband’s snarfling nose sniffing around me, honing in on me like radar.
I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to stop pretending I was still reading.
“WHAT?” I finally hollered, “What, what, what is it this time?”
“I smell something.”
“NO shit, you made that pretty obvious!”
“I didn’t want to say anything…”
“About what, smelling something? I just scooped the cat box a few minutes ago – could that be it?”
And then it dawned on me.
“You thought I was the stinky one?”
“Well, I just figured you were napping and I know things change when you’re pregnant, so I thought maybe you were just lying around all pregnant and stuff and maybe….”
“Maybe WHAT? Maybe I smell like cat shit? You think I smell as bad as cat shit? Sure, I was just lying around ‘all pregnant and stuff’, smeIling like cat shit and oblivious to the stench – I can’t believe this!”
I wouldn’t exactly call it a defining moment in our marriage but I can say that we both learned something from the encounter. I know that his “keen sense of smell” he is so proud of is not entirely accurate, and he learned, well, I don’t think he learned anything since just last week he was trying to audibly/visibly sniff my breath as I sat in the car next to him.